5 Holiday Stressors and How to Handle Them

The holidays can be "the most wonderful time of the year," however they can also be incredibly stressful for many people.

Over 62% of Americans rated their holiday stress level as "very stressful" or "somewhat stressful."

In a 2015 Healthline survey over 62% of Americans rated their holiday stress level as "very stressful" or "somewhat stressful."

So, is holiday stress different from regular stress?

No, not really.

Stress is a natural reaction in our bodies whenever we experience the strain and tension borne from challenging circumstances. 

And while some short-term acute stress is normal and can even be beneficial, being in a state of chronic stress can negatively affect our physical and mental health.

Here are five common holiday stressors and some tips to deal with them.

1. Your family doesn't respect your boundaries

Many people feel pressure to spend time with family during the holidays, even if they don’t have a good relationship.

In a recent poll, 25% of U.S. adults reported feeling “very worried” or “extremely worried” about spending time with family this holiday. 

So, instead of expecting your family to miraculously have changed, take this opportunity to improve your communication and coping skills.

25% of U.S. adults reported feeling “very worried” or “extremely worried” about spending time with family this holiday. 

Rather than blowing up at your cousin for spilling the coffee on your dress, or your aunt for knocking over the reindeer you lovingly displayed on your mantel, take a deep breath, count to five, and smile. 

Practice “killing them with kindness.”

Set some boundaries before you get together.

Consider sending out an email and clarify that you are not willing to talk about specific things like politics, COVID-19, or Aunt Sally’s new husband. 

Consider sending out an email and clarify that you are not willing to talk about specific things

Of course, if your family is abusive, toxic, or unhealthy, you may decide that getting together just isn’t the best thing to do.  

In these cases, family estrangement and cutting off family may be necessary to protect yourself from dysfunctional and hurtful behavior.

2. You have unrealistic expectations

I don’t know about you all, but every holiday seems to bring higher expectations than the previous year.

From over-the-top decorations, to glitzy parties to throw or attend, to the impressive menu for Christmas dinner, unrealistic expectations can make the holidays extra-stressful.

Life is stressful enough. Do you really need to be an overachiever during the holidays?

The answer is “you really don’t.” 

Life is stressful enough. Do you really need to be an overachiever during the holidays?

Consider challenging, and perhaps changing, your expectations.

Are they realistic?

Things will go wrong, someone will bring the wrong dish, get the wrong present, or bring up family gossip even though you asked them not to.

Identifying your expectations beforehand can help you let go of the ones that are unrealistic before you are let down and become resentful.  

3. You've overcommitted

Since many of us have been “sheltering in place” due to the global COVID-19 pandemic for the better part of the past three years, you may find yourself accepting invitations to attend every holiday party, gathering, and get-together.

Perhaps you even decided to host a gathering at your place as well.

While it's tempting to say “yes” to every event that comes your way, you probably won't have the energy or stamina to enjoy them or even give them your full attention.

For many of us, saying “no” to a friend is the equivalent of using a four-letter word.

There may be a nagging voice in your head that says you can’t disappoint your friend, co-worker, or loved one. However, I assure you—they will be OK if you politely decline the invitation. 

For many of us, saying “no” to a friend is the equivalent of using a four-letter word.

We need to remember: if we aren’t fully committed to an event or a person, we may actually be doing them a disservice.

It's essential to leave some "you time" blocked off on your calendar for relaxation and self-care activities to protect your mental health.

4. You can't stop shopping

We all want to find the perfect holiday gifts for the special people in our lives, but some of us (yes, it's me) tend to overspend during the holidays. 

Apparently, I'm not alone. According to the National Retail Federation, shoppers plan to spend about $1,000 on themselves and their families this year.

And 31% said they have had to tap into emergency savings to pay for holiday expenses. 

Whether it’s dining out more, spending more on holiday gifts than we anticipated, or traveling to visit family or friends, there’s no denying it, overspending on the holidays can add up to huge stress. 

I know, everyone says to set a budget, but let’s get real, that may not work.

Instead, I recommend that you think about how you’re going to feel in January. Visualize yourself checking your bank balance or credit card statement.

Remember, you have control over your thoughts and actions which includes your spending.   

5. Loneliness is amplified

The holidays can be one of the loneliest times of the year. When it seems that everyone has a partner, family, or friends, it can highlight a lack of social connections or family relationships.

If your family doesn't live nearby, consider increasing communication.

Schedule a weekly telephone conversation or video call.  

Volunteering to help someone else in need is also a great way to combat loneliness.

Since loneliness can be a personal view, focusing outwards can give you purpose and connection.

When and how to seek professional help for stress

Whatever it may be that’s stressing you out over the holidays, remember, there is always help out there.

And, while acute stress is a normal part of daily life, avoiding, or not addressing, chronic stress can lead to more serious problems.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of chronic stress, it’s important to talk with your primary care physician and/or mental health professional about your concerns. 

On the Monarch Directory by SimplePractice you can find a therapist near you who specializes in helping clients with stress.

You might also want to consider therapists who utilize Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, as that approach can help you reframe your stress.

If you have health insurance coverage, you can also browse therapists who accept your insurance.

You can quickly and easily view their availability and book a therapy session. 

Many offer free 15-minute initial consultations and in-person or teletherapy video sessions.

READ NEXT: What's the Difference Between Stress and Anxiety?

Find a therapist: Check out the Monarch Directory by SimplePractice to find therapists who specialize in helping clients with stress—many with online scheduling and booking.